BufBoPoFo Begins!

Big ups to Mike for spear-heading this whole thing which has served to lure me out of, well not retirement really, so much as apathy or laziness. So with the challenge of keeping up with the CybersSmiths and OnlineJoneses, here we are. Since I am inherently awesome, I already met the requirement for the first post. I was told to talk about my favorite soup. I decline. Some things are personal. True to my original concept, I will write a rambling stream-of-consciousness piece. I will continue to check in with the toybox for future topics.

The first day of March is more than just the beginning of the Buffalo Blog Posting Fortnight, it is the end of mustache month. For several years, I have declared February to be Mustache Month. (Take that black people and women! It wasn't enough that you already had to share the shortest month, now you've got to compete with mustaches.) I don't know why it started, but a few years ago, three or four of my friends and I decided that we would have mustaches in February.

The guidelines are quite simple:
You are to have a mustache February first, not start growing it that day. I recommend starting a full beard during whatever winter holiday vacation you are awarded from your miserable job (editor's note: if your job isn't miserable, go fuck yourself. Everyone else's is.) By the end of January, your mustache should be able to stand alone. If it cannot, you are either a poor candidate or the perfect candidate for Mustache Month. More explanation will follow.

As you are trimming and shaving your beard, keep in mind that the mustache may not go lower than the corner of your mouth. This is a general rule, to be interpreted on a case-by-case basis, but the intent is to prohibit "handlebar" style mustaches. The hairs of the mustache may grow to any length (Wilford Brimley and Sam Elliot are welcome), and it is encouraged that by the end of the month the mouth be covered, but all hairs should generate from above the "mouth-corner line".

Facial hair on the cheeks or chin are prohibited during Mustache Month (sideburns should end at the bottom of the ear), obvious exceptions being made for five-o'clock shadow or lack of shaving laziness.

Any trimming of the mustache during Mustache Month is discouraged but allowed.


All are invited to participate in the exhibition phase. If you are doing so, the rules are more relaxed. Rock out a mustache, and be covered so that when some asshole says, "What's up with the mustache?" You can say, "It's Mustache Month, asshole." Those who wish to participate in the competitive phase are required to pay their entrance fee and abide by a more strict interpretation. For those brave souls who have a regulation mustache and have paid their entrance fee February first, the game is on. The winner is the last one to have a mustache.

Do not be confused. We grow the mustaches, and then wait to see who has the balls to walk around looking like a goober in a mustache for the longest. Most people break down within the first week. Having a wife or girlfriend seriously hurts your chances, as they constantly tell you how ridiculous you look. Last 'stache standing keeps the money. This is why people with horrible mustaches make great candidates for Mustache Month. The concept is that we all look like idiots, so if you look like an idiot, you fit right in.

It hurts to think we are so far away from the start of the next Mustache Month, but you can take solace in the fact that every day brings us one day closer.