Casting Couch

Make yourself comfortable, babies. It's the age-old question: do you select a foxy actor to play you, or down-play the narcissism and go the other way. The answer I always give when some one asks me who would play me in a movie is Richard Kiel. But upon further reflection, let's take this a little more seriously. I am tall. I am funny. I frequently have a mustache. I am kind of a dick. Sounds like somebody I've seen a lot. If he can pull off some more of the subtleties, I vote for Vince Vaughn. I've really only seen him play one character (over and over), but I'll give him a shot.

What about our young Mr.Garvey? Of course, Todd Benzin is one of my all time favorite actors, and there is no question in my mind that he could play even someone of the depth and intricacies of the Garv-ball, he's too high-price. All those who fell in love with Vince "Dave Hoffmann" Vaughn in Fred Claus already know about the undeniable on-screen chemistry of Vaughn and the newest Hollywood sensation to play M. Garv: Paul Giamatti! He has a beard, sometimes! Just like Garv!

I'd also like to see Mark Wahlberg in there somewhere. I don't know who he'd play, but I like him, so he's in. We'll have a scene in a bar, and he can be that bartender. After that scene, some Winona Ryder/Alyssa Milano pillow fighting seems in order. The film would be directed by Savage Steve Holland of Better off Dead. Score by John Williams, arranged by Danny Elfman. Bill Fraker (Tombstone) would shoot it, and for some reason, it would be set in the wild west (MUSTACHES!).